Love and Romance at Work: A Valentine’s Day Reminder
We spend roughly one-third of our lives at work, so it is no surprise that we tend to form relationships with those with whom we’ve met at work. Often friendships develop that last a lifetime. Shared interests, outdoor activities, carpooling, or a need for a roommate – all are healthy fodder for a surface work relationship to become much more. And yes, it is not unusual for people to date someone they’ve met at work. In fact, studies show that almost 75% of people have had workplace romances, and approximately 15% of married couples have met at work or through someone at work.
Benefits of a Friendly Workplace
Positive work relationships boost morale and drive higher engagement. The connection that comes from strong work ties can act like super glue, holding people together in a content-rich tapestry of shared experiences and human support. Productivity is higher, there is less absenteeism, and people are generally more motivated when they are happy and engaged with the people around them. And face it, plenty of people do meet at work, fall in love, and live happily ever after.
When it Goes South
So, what could go wrong when everyone is free to have romantic fun at work or just enjoy hanging out with their peers? Why can’t we all just canoodle around with whomever we want? Why does Human Resources need to ruin all the fun?
Well, not every date leads to marriage, and not every hook-up bears repeating. And the odds show that the majority of romances have an expiration date. This is where it gets tricky. Clean breakups are not always the case. Sometimes only one person wants out, while the other continues to stalk. In my experience, a large percentage of sexual harassment complaints are related to a previous consensual relationship that had soured.
Even without a full-on war of the roses, tough breakups rarely happen in silence and can have a disruptive effect on other coworkers, however nuanced. It can create stress on the ex-couple for sure, but also for those who have to work with them. That “family-friendly vibe” that was once so cool, may now carry a threat of divisiveness, or at its minimum, excessive time in nonproductive discussion.
Enter the HR Policy
Employers need to find the balance between allowing for positive workplace relationships, while protecting those who would rather just be “friends with boundaries.” This is best done through policy or handbook statements that clearly communicate boundaries. At the very least I would recommend the following:
• Those in positions of power, such as supervisors and managers, should never date their own staff, as that creates a conflict of interest and loss of credibility on the validity of decisions made involving that employee. It also creates an untenable power dynamic should the employee wish to end the relationship. Finally, it is simply unethical and at the least creates a perception of favoritism.
• Even if not dating one’s own staff, the power dynamic still exists and should be reported to HR to help navigate any conflicts of interest or opportunities for favoritism, and generally monitor the situation. Often, there may need to be organizational changes to accommodate such a relationship so that there is no conflict.
• To support employees who may wish to be in a consensual relationship with a peer, there should be a clear policy on harassment should that relationship be one-sided or turn sour at any point. Simply because there was once a consensual relationship does not mean that either one gives up the right to get out, and HR should be non-judgmental in supporting their employees when needed to disengage amicably and professionally.
It is also important to pay attention to the definitions used when forming policy around management behavior.
• Are you just regulating sexual relationships? Or do you want to include all “intimate” or “domestic” relationships?
• Who do you consider to be management? Consider that for sexual harassment prevention training, you should include anyone who is perceived as a manager, regardless of direct reports.
Remember, follow your heart, respect your coworkers, and when romance meets the workplace, let policy be the true language of love. At SDHR Consulting, we can help you navigate romance year-round.
